Common Test is OVER!

Common Test is OVER!

PRELIMS are in 2 weeks!!

so from today onwards, i'm going to embark on a study plan that jiahui suggested to me..

here is the plan:

• everyday at 8pm, i will spend 30mins doing my Quiet Time (QT) with God and writing in my prayer journal.
  
  
• later, at 8pm, i will complete some of my past year papers that jiahui got me to buy:
  -Monday & Thursday, Chemistry [do 2 Paper 1 AND/OR 1 Paper 2]
  -Tuesday & Friday, Additional Mathematics [do 1 Paper 1 AND/OR Paper 2]
  -Wednesday & Saturday, Physics [do 2 Paper 1 AND/OR 1 Paper 2]
  
  (i will make sure that i do these papers because they cost $18!!! i don't want to waste $$ la... haha..)
  
  
• also, every saturday is my MSN day! (today XD) so i'm not allowed to use the computer for the rest of the week!!
  
  
• my 'O' Level Targets are placed right in the middle of my wall. jiahui helped me to set these targets by subtracting some numbers from the grade that i felt that i could achieve for each subject.. so now i end up targeting for an L1R4 of 7, and an L1R5 of 9!!! (that seems crazy... but with God, anything is possible...)
  
  
• to ensure that i keep working towards doing my goal of doing well for my 'O's.. i have put up some motivation cards on my wall: "$18", "FOCUS NOW", "STUDY! i'm watching" (drawing of johnson's eyes), "JIAHUI'S TREAT IS WAITING FOR ME!! if i meet my targets" and etc.. haha.. he said he would treat me.. but just don't know what.. hmm..

well, i guess that i have to work really hard now as my prelims are coming.. hmm.. i will post my prelim schedule next time (probably next saturday)... for now, i shall enjoy my last few hours of using the computer this week.........

i'm scared...

i tried today..

i really did...

i told myself that i would study really hard in school today... i was planning to stay awake and pay attention to every single lesson for the whole day..

but, i found it so difficult just to keep up with the lesson.. when i could not understand the first lesson, my mood had been so dampened that i could not really focus for the rest of the day...

by the end of the whole day, i realised how far behind i was in my studies... i never knew how much i didn't know.... now i know that there is a lot more that i need to know!

i'm really scared.

i don't know if i can keep up with my studies... there isn't much time left.. with so much pressure, i keep thinking of just giving up... but something keeps telling me to 'be strong' and 'pull myself together'... but, i think if this carries on...

i may just 'SNAP'...

and it will all be over...

will it?

B4 i PASS, but i Didn't Pass Anyway...

B4 i PASS, but i Didn't Pass Anyway...

today is SAD..

i finally got my Chinese 'O' Level results at 11.35am just now...
we all waited outside the Seminar Room as the teacher called us up one by one to show us our result.. when she got to the last person on her list, a group of us still had not gotten our results...
so we went up to her and told her our 'O' Level index number to get it..

i got a B4 with a PASS for my oral...

i'm feeling ok about it... at least i passed and i was close to my target (B3)... i don't know if i want to retake it, but i was planning to base my decision on my DPA result.. if i got into Ngee Ann via DPA, i won't have to worry about retaking my Chinese 'O' Level...

the DPA results was to be released at 2pm online... i could not wait for school to be over.. and when it finally did, the whole group of us went up to the MRL to check our results online at the computers.. Jessica, Li Lin, Mitchell & i were there to see our results, while Glory, Jason, Jin Shi, Shi Jia, & Yu Jia were there to support us...

i didn't get in... only Li Lin got into Biotechnology at Nanyang Polytechnic... i'm really glad for her that she got into the course of her interest..

but i'm just disappointed that i could not get in... i really wanted it... a lot...

actually, i told myself even before i got any of my results that i would accept whatever result i got... i had convinced myself that anything that happened would be part of God's plan...

however, when i really got my results... i didn't feel sad or angry... i just felt so lost.. and confused.. i was thinking to myself, "what should i do now?" i lost my purpose...

i tried reminding myself that it was God's plan...

BUT, i did not know what His plan was for me!
that's what made me feel so lost... i still feel confused... many ppl have encouraged me.. i have heard them.. and i thank them... but, my heart is still feeling so heavy... why do i feel so burdened?

i thought that i already told myself that i will put in my 100% to study? why do i feel like giving up? when will all this pain go away???

i still love you, God...

tomorrow is 13 August....

ahhhhhhhhhhh....

tmr is 13 August 2007!!!!!

so many things happening tmr....

• it's my DADDY'S birthday!!!!
• results of Chinese 'O' Level are out tmr!!!!
• start of English Language 'O' Level Oral!!!!
• results of Direct Polytechnic Admission!!!!

i don't know what to feel now... i'm not sure how much shock i can take!!

i have some expectations, but i also don't want to give myself false hope...

what should i FEEL??

hmm...

i hope to get at least a B3? for my Chinese 'O' Levels..

and of course i hope to get into Ngee Ann Poly for Mass Communication via DPA... but i don't know if that is what God really wants for me... so... i guess i will work VERY hard into studying... i will not let myself down by not putting in my 100% for my studies...

well, its all up to tmr then... just keeping myself ready to accept whatever God has for me...

jiayou, SEAN!!! XD

National Day Special...

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!!!!

ok, fine... i know that i am abit late (now it is 12.37am on 10 August) but i was not free to blog about it yesterday...

after a whole day of preparations for the BB stall for the carnival (8 August), the NDP and POP parades and the final clearing up of the school, i finally left the school at about 11pm..

oh ya.. i was quite happy too 'coz i won a LUCKY DRAW PRIZE!!! 17th Prize!!! yay... i was so excited coz i never won that kind of prize before... haha... and i got a 'Design Factory' toolbox... cool right... but now i'm not sure what i will do with it... lol...

anyway... jieyi, jiahui and i left together with yanling and wilson as we went to have our supper at yishun while they went home... we went to macdonald's and i was really hungry and tired (and busy smsing...)

then jieyi's father came to bring her home... by then it was about 11.30pm already... i didn't have much energy left to go home and i had a lot of things to carry.. so jiahui suggested that i stay over at his place... i didn't mind as i was really tired and it would be fun...

so i quickly called home and then we set off to his house! we wanted to get back in time to do a countdown for National Day!! haha... however, we soon realised a problem... i only had extra shirt and shorts, but no underwear!!!

~censored~

so i had a nice warm shower... but by the time i got out, it was already National Day!!! we suddenly felt quite awake, so we watched X-Men (movie) until a few minutes past 2am... it was a really nice movie... then after that, we went to sleep....

the next morning, i got up at about 8.30am and then jiahui and i watched youtube videos until 11.30am... i wonder how we made the time pass so fast... we spent so much time laughing at madtv spoofs and being amazed at incredible magic tricks... it was cool...

then i quickly went home to put down all my stuff and i came back to j8 to meet the sec4 seniors for lunch at yoshinoya... after lunch, we went to buy some snacks for the BBQ and then we looked about for ms lim's birthday (10 Aug) present.. here is what we bought:

1. a big pink box with pink pokka dots
2. a pink squid plushie handphone holder
3. a pink doughnut from 7-eleven
4. a pink furry dice from mini toons
5. a bouquet of 5 different shades of pink flowers

we bought 5 items for her to represent the 5th Student Council... haha...

then we went down via bus 13 to East Coast Park, Area C, BBQ Pit 7... lol.. then we started the BBQ fire... haha..

while waiting for the teachers to come, some of us went down to the beach and dunked jinshi into the sea 5 times!! haha.. that was fun...

the whole BBQ was a good time of jokes and fellowship... then i finally came home with jiang wei on a long and comfortable bus ride...

now i'm really tired, so i'm going to sleep now... Happy Birthday, Singapore!!! XD

ice-cream talk...

wow....

today was really interesting... the school walls were vandalised.

but PHS is a School Without Walls..
And we are Built To Last.
There is only one life, and it will pass..
Only what is done for God will last..

after school and all the cleaning and painting of the walls...
i left school with jiahui...
he then asked me to have ice-cream with him... and i ended up having an 'ice-cream talk' with him until about 8plus... he shared with me some Bible verses and his experiences... and really enlightened me on what to do...

why should i worry so much about the things happening around me? my life's purpose is not meant for making things 'perfect'... it is to do God's work and to bless the people around...

thank God for jiahui that He sent him to show me that...

he really blessed me XD

so... now what?

i have done so many things already... in BB and council...

so..... now what?

i don't know what to do...

i know that i have to stop being involved in BB and council already..
although i have officially stepped down from both, i still haven't really let go of them and begun to focus on my studies...

i still feel so worried about them... although i told myself that i can trust them since they were sec3, since we were sec3 before and we slowly learnt to cope with handling the BB and council, so they should be able to do the same too... or maybe even better...

however... so many things have happened since we handed over our roles and responsibilties... things don't seem to be going well, yet they don't seem to realise that... i guess its coz us (sec4s) did not do a proper handover and did not teach them well... it could be that we still think too highly of ourselves... and feel that the sec3s cannot "match up to our standard"...

but is that really true?

i don't really know that answer... maybe someone could help me with that...

what i should be doing now is studying... but i don't really have any purpose now... i feel so tired all the time... i think i need a break... but can i even afford it?

the common tests, prelims and the big "O" are coming soon... one after another... God, please help me to make the right decisions...