B4 i PASS, but i Didn't Pass Anyway...

B4 i PASS, but i Didn't Pass Anyway...

today is SAD..

i finally got my Chinese 'O' Level results at 11.35am just now...
we all waited outside the Seminar Room as the teacher called us up one by one to show us our result.. when she got to the last person on her list, a group of us still had not gotten our results...
so we went up to her and told her our 'O' Level index number to get it..

i got a B4 with a PASS for my oral...

i'm feeling ok about it... at least i passed and i was close to my target (B3)... i don't know if i want to retake it, but i was planning to base my decision on my DPA result.. if i got into Ngee Ann via DPA, i won't have to worry about retaking my Chinese 'O' Level...

the DPA results was to be released at 2pm online... i could not wait for school to be over.. and when it finally did, the whole group of us went up to the MRL to check our results online at the computers.. Jessica, Li Lin, Mitchell & i were there to see our results, while Glory, Jason, Jin Shi, Shi Jia, & Yu Jia were there to support us...

i didn't get in... only Li Lin got into Biotechnology at Nanyang Polytechnic... i'm really glad for her that she got into the course of her interest..

but i'm just disappointed that i could not get in... i really wanted it... a lot...

actually, i told myself even before i got any of my results that i would accept whatever result i got... i had convinced myself that anything that happened would be part of God's plan...

however, when i really got my results... i didn't feel sad or angry... i just felt so lost.. and confused.. i was thinking to myself, "what should i do now?" i lost my purpose...

i tried reminding myself that it was God's plan...

BUT, i did not know what His plan was for me!
that's what made me feel so lost... i still feel confused... many ppl have encouraged me.. i have heard them.. and i thank them... but, my heart is still feeling so heavy... why do i feel so burdened?

i thought that i already told myself that i will put in my 100% to study? why do i feel like giving up? when will all this pain go away???

i still love you, God...